Saturday, November 15, 2014

Ok, So Blog A Day Number Halfway There - The To Do List

Ever feel overwhelmed?  I do, all the time.

Worst part is, most of it is stuff that I can do in probably 5 minutes each.  We are living in a world where most everything is at the touch of a button, and yet, I can't bring myself to go to my credit card's home page to make a payment because of MyVegasSlots (149k today, btw) or because I want to lay in bed and read comic books.  The idea of leaving the house on weekends is less and less appealing to me because of all the driving I do for work. (My territory has doubled in size, as has my caseload).  I feel overwhelmed by piles of things - I HATE piles.  Piles of laundry, piles of paperwork, piles of dishes, piles of magazines, piles of piles.  There are times that I literally walk in circles in my house trying to figure out what I need to work on next, but will be distracted by the next pile of stuff.  We've talked in the past about my anxiety and how I can quickly feel like shutting down, and I am trying not to do that.  It's just that it is easy for me to think about the next 7 weeks of holidays and think to myself, "It's already all planned out.  I can't deviate from obligations."  What has always been my most favorite time of the year almost fills me with.... dread.  That makes me sad to think that.

It is early to think about resolutions/goals/checkpoints for next year, but if there is one thing I would like to work on, it's procrastination.  (and no, I'm not going to wait until next year.)  I have a notebook (given to me last year at Pride48 by the folks at Foul Monkeys) that I use for my To Do list.  I LOVE to do lists, and will often use them as a device for my patients or their caregivers who feel overwhelmed by things.)  To be able to write things down and then feel the satisfaction of crossing them off a list of accomplishments is a small but important exercise in empowerment.  In fact, and I know I'm not the only one who does this, the worst is when you have accomplished something and THINK it's on your To Do list, only to find that it wasn't.  I would be lying if I said I never added something I'd already done and immediately crossed it off.

I know that my To Do list includes silly things I WANT to do, or enjoy doing, because, hey, we need to remember that stuff do.  Many podcasts/tv shows to enjoy or video game goals are on there, because it's a reminder to stop and enjoy the small stuff.  (Again, 150k for MyVegasSlots).  I also make things a bit creative on my To Do list.  I love to try to make patterns out of the colors I highlight completed actions, so they are alternating or, after getting some highlighters during Back To School season, rainbowed on my page.  After all items are completed on both sides of the paper, I get to rip it out of the book.  I know that it probably seems a bit crazy, but if it keeps me motivated, then I'll take any help I can get.

I also want to work on being a person I would want to hang out with. I want to feel as though I'm not living in a rut, driving around all day, coming home, exhausted, watching Hulu, going into the office and wasting time on the computer until bedtime. I want to have a feeling of satisfaction not only with work, but also with my evenings as well.  Babaloo and I went through a phase where we cooked together a while back, trying new recipes, and honestly, I got lazy and let him take over. I would like to be more active.  I just need to kick myself in the ass.  I know that there have been studies with social media saying they do more harm than good as far as self esteem.  Facebook and the like force us to look at our own lives compared to others who may be "living" more interesting lives, going to concerts, parties, vacations.  But, like us, they are only showing the more interesting parts, and are feeling the same way about OUR posts as well.  While it would be nice to be able to show off me making chimichurri sauce, I need to want to do this for me, not for other people to give me likes on my Facebook page.

This post is kind of all over the place, but that's ok.  I'm using today's Blog A Day to clear my head a little bit, take a breath.  And yes, I will be crossing this my To Do list for the day (in Pink).

1 comment:

Tricia in Massachusetts said...

This post couldn't have come at a better time for me. I work between 40-50 hours each week and go to school on Saturdays. I'm always playing catch-up!

When there's too much on my plate, I tend to shut down (binge watch Netflix, spend 4-6 hours on the computer, etc) rather than achieve one small victory at a time.

I used to make lists, but fell out of the habit. Lists helped to me focus, organize, calm down, divide and conquer.

It's definitely time to start using lists again.