Thursday, July 14, 2011

OK, So A Change Is Gonna Come...

(no, not to the podcast)
I am writing about this tonight, at 4:30 in the morning because I can't sleep.
In a regularly scheduled Wednesday morning meeting today, I was informed that our team at work is being disbanded, for lack of a better term. I was told that half the team would stay on and work within the parameters of the team, and the other half would work with our home based team AND obtain another team to cover half our case load so that we have a full caseload (that last line may not make any sense, but it does to me). We were called down to an office, one at a time, and told if we were going to be in the children's program, or thrown to the wolves.
Looks like I was wearing milk bone underwear because I was told to get packing.
Now, I am thankful that I still have a job, I still have a way to pay my bills and provide for myself, my partner and my pug. However, the parameters of this job are still undefined and as such, I'm having a little trouble sleeping. I'm feeling hurt, betrayed, confused. I'm replaying multiple conversations over the last few years trying to figure out what I could have said that would lead my (soon to be previous) supervisors to think I would rather be on a home based team(s) vs. my community based team that allows me support and the ability to be creative, planning for support groups and camps and all the things that went along with it. My territory is going to be almost half the county I live in, and, with gas prices the way they are, I'm worried that I am not going to have the money to GET to work. As the senior member of my department that wasn't in any sort of supervisory position, I can't help but feel like those old eskimo people they put on an iceberg by themselves and shove out into the water to fend for themselves. While there are positive aspects to this (again, I still have a job) that I keep trying to tell myself, I can't help but feel royally fucked over right now, and it really hurts.
I'm sure that I will read this later and think, "What the fuck did I write," but I am exhausted right now and we were asked not to talk about this on facebook as there are other employees who aren't aware of the changes yet, and I needed to vent all this "out loud." Babaloo has truly been a wonderful supportive boyfriend (and did you really expect otherwise), and Rocco has enjoyed laying next to me and farting, but farting in a supportive way, I guess.
I will tell you all that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair...
I'm so fucking tired.

6 comments:

Taffy said...

...we love you...

Anna B said...

Well, that just sucks balls, and not in the fun way. I am really sorry.

Is there any possibility of going to a supervisor and just asking? "Hey, you know, I really felt that my professional development was putting me on path X. That is where my heart is and really where I focused my growth. I was surprised when I was assigned to path Y. What steps do I need to take to get back where I feel I can be most effective?"

Get some sleep and read some Bloom County. Ignore the giant snorklewacker in your closet of anxieties.

(hug)

Crystal in Buford said...

I'm sorry that your work snowglobe has been shaken. I hate when that happens. And it stinks that you can't talk about it with co-workers. Sometimes venting to someone who "gets it" helps. But you are a counselor, you know this. I send you hugs and hope you feel better after resting a bit. And if not, there is always vodka.

Dw33z1L said...

Hang in there old chap. I know it's a royal pain in the backside right now and that you're feeling hurt, betrayed, angry, confused, etc. You are doing a good job at trying to find the positives in this particular shit storm...and you are to be commended for that.

All that said, sometimes it's these types of life disturbances that allow us to grow, evolve, and come out the other side better off. I know this sounds all "kumbaya", but it's the honest to -fill in the deity of your choice here- truth.

At least your hair is growing back out. :-)

Dw33z1L

Gina L said...

Really sorry this has happened to you.

Russ said...

So sorry to hear about the work troubles. We're laying staff off this coming Friday so I know what it's like. Social services is always such a joy! Keep your chin up.