Ok, So An Epileptic Cougar With Panty Crickets.... (a Rant By Taylor The Latte Boy)

.....would be how I would describe Madonna's new video for "Celebration," her latest single from the next Greatest Hits that are coming out in a few weeks (Isn't this like her second greatest hits in only a few years?!). I have to say at first, I was really disappointed with the song, as it sounds very dated to me, dance/step class music from 2003. But then, I realized I LIKE dance/step class music from 2003, so I was ok with it. But, the video? Ugh. I can't seem to find a copy of it to post here, but if you look around, you might be able to find posts of it. (Surprisingly, MTV isn't showing it on their website...has the marriage made in pop promotion heaven gone the way of divorce court?) In the video, Madonna, in a weird Alexis Carrington/Disco Ball hybrid dress, flails around, scratching at her crotch in a tiny white corner while greasy ethnic boys dance around. (The first dancer kinda freaks me out.) In fact, the only time we see Madonna interact with anyone is not with her daughter (who cameos in the video), but with her new real life boyfriend, Jesus Luz.

(Granted, I would ahem, "interact" with him, too, but jeesh.) One thing is apparent, not only from this video, but from videos I've seen of her latest concert tour - our Madge, she's slowing down. She appears to be doing only the slightest of dance moves, letting her backup dancers do most of the work for her. She's 51, yes, but she still has an amazing body, and is a huge advocate for yoga. Wouldn't you believe from that that she's still pretty flexible? I mean, if ANYONE can do it, it would be Madonna, right?

Today while Babaloo and I were working on some stuff at our desks, I decided to give "Hard Candy" yet another try. I really wanted to like it. Honest! It's just such a piece of shit. Why do people talk about what an amazing producer Pharrell is? Everything he produced for her sounds like it came off a Casio from the 80's. Case in point - Give It To Me.

Madonna |MTV Music

So, why am I bitching about this? What's the point? Well, it just makes me sad...she was such a big part of my life growing up (as she was for many of my people), and to see her now, trying to compete with younger, and in come cases, more talented singers and songwriters (or leach off of them - and let's face it, she's been doing that since Bjork's Bedtime Stories), I can't help but wonder if this successful tour of hers/ Greatest hits compilation should be her goodbye to the world of celebrity. Let AMFar or GLAAD throw a lifetime acheivement award at her, let her produce the next Alanis Morrisette (is Maverick Records even around anymore?) and have a little dignity in her senior years. Because, let's face it, M, you're not this lady....and she's got 20+ years on you....

Tina Turner |MTV Music