1.) I went to a gay bar in the 1950's with the guy from the Free Credit Report.com commercials (who, incidentally, I think it is cute in a dorky way.)
2.) Before going into the gay bar, we had to strip down into our underwear and be inspected by a lesbian - the four guys I was with (including FCR.com guy AND a mobster's son (who was HOT) got in no problem. The lesbian decided she wanted to chat me up for a while, and I could "tell" that she was trying to see if I was, in fact, a 'mo. She eventually went on to start crying about "friends who she's lost to AIDS" and how she would never "go back to that damn conservative state Vermont (?!)" and, wiping tears away from her face, waved me into the bar, where the guys were waiting for me.
3.) The bar looked like the Cantina in Star Wars. No aliens, though.
4.) The only blatantly sexual thing I saw was a short, cute guy (who I have seen in other dream I've had) with his hand up another guy's ass while people were watching. This was happening on a table near the bar, and at one point, the guy (who had his hand open like he was offering it for a handshake - well, in a way, I guess he was), went toto far, causing the bottom to pull out a gun and shoot cute top's earlobe off. Not long after that, we left, fearing the cops would show up (again, cute mafia guy, remember? I do remember we had to pull him off another guy he was making out with.)
5.) FCR.com guy and I got lost in the woods and came across a house where three witches lived.
6.) They were trying to create a woman, and her name involved the word chocolate somehow, but I don't remember the details - she was kinda like Sally from the nightmare before christmas, but not a patchwork woman - she was a real woman being made in a cauldron. We knew we couldn't be seen by the witches, or they would have been pissed off.
7.) The witches, while in their witch garb, looked like something out of Sid and Marty Kroft - oversized faces and big bodies - - kinda like the costumes that Sigmund the Sea Monster would wear.
8.) The witches forgot something, and had to leave the cauldron, FCR.com and I went over to it and looked inside - the only thing I remember about that is that there was pink and brown ribbons on a hook by the cauldron that were supposed to go in Choc. girls hair.
9.) Eventually, the witches made the girl, and when they did, the returned to their original form - looking like old little kids we gently (we being Choc girl, FCR.com guy and me) all put them in a car that took them to a nursing home, then went into the witches house, and went to sleep (no sex). Then, in the morning, we all watched Wide World of Sports from the 70s or 80s.
Then I woke up.